As a small boy, I felt like I didn't fit in. I had stern parents and an angry and volatile father. Surviving in a state of fear that I pretended was not there, I wet my bed until I was 7 or 8. I wet my pants in school, or out playing because I was afraid to ask permission to go to the bathroom. But no one figured out or ever explained to me what was happening. I was just not in control of my bladder (as far as I remember).
This is the first time I've written these memories and so perhaps gaps or other pieces will fill in as I remember more.
I kept myself weak as I grew and moved into High School. I had many opportunities and was gifted, but seemed to hold myself back, or sabotaged myself if I began to stand out too much.
I am beginning to see now how I felt like a failure deep inside and as I held and believed it, I made events in my life reflect that belief. And even though there were good times and joyful flow, I always found a way to hold me back, to feel like a failure.
I have let go of this pattern now. This does not mean that I will not fail at some thing, but rather that I am ready to accept and learn from failure. It does not own me.
And thus here I am, writing. This is part of my personal growth story. It is therapeutic for me to write and share as I gain clarity and release fear. I plan to continue to share other pieces as I grow and reconnect. I also plan to write more about my professional work and awarenesses that arise during those sessions. Of course, names and other personal information is kept private out of respect for the individual. Client/practitioner confidentiality is key to creating a safe environment, and privacy laws also hold true. May you find peace on your journey.